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The alarm wakes you up before the sun has risen and your drowsy eyes look for the red numbers in the dark. 6:45. You aren’t ready to start the day, but you know that you don’t have a choice in the matter. The floor is cold as you set your feet upon it and it sends a chill up your spine, waking you up, just a little bit more. Mornings haven’t been the same for quite some time, yet you still have yet to adjust.

Where there was once always the smell of fresh coffee, you now only feel the cold air hit your skin. Where the light was once there to greet you beyond the bedroom door is now just a darkness. You remember when you had a cat to dance around your feet, keeping them warm on cold mornings such as this one, but he took that away from you too when he left. He left your once cozy home as bare and cold as he left your heart.

You never thought yourself to be a dependent person, but after years of sharing your live with another person, you don’t remember what it is like to live on your own. You can do the simple things: make dinner, shower, all of the household chores, but what do you do with yourself the rest of the time? Who do you talk to when the one person you’d always turn to has left you alone? Who can choose the movie of the night when your indecisiveness has gotten the best of you? When you awake in the dead of the night, whose heart will softly hum you back to sleep? For the first time in years you’ve come to a dead end. Someone has made the choice to leave you alone; they’ve pushed you off the ledge and it is up to you to catch yourself before you hit the ground.

You know you’ll make it through this, it is just another battle for you to survive. Your gut is telling you to grieve; you didn’t lose a short-term lover, but someone you have been in love with for years; it feels as though you have lost a limb. Sure, you don’t need it to survive, but you know that life will never be the same again.

The walk to the kitchen is long and dark, but you make it anyway; the coffee will never pour itself. Even with all of the changes that the sudden void has left you with, you can sip on your morning coffee, close your eyes, and just for a few moments, pretend everything is just as it always was.

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