I think I try to focus on how sexually frustrated I am to hide the fact of how lonely I am. I am going crazy within my own mind and I want to be able to text you and tell you I miss you, but I can’t. So I try to think of intimacy and biting and scratching to forget about your smile and the way you would kiss me and the way we didn’t want to say goodbye. I will hide in the captain’s cabin and go down with this ship.