Do you ever sit and wonder what life would be like if things have run differently? What a silly question, I am sure you have.

Sometimes I wonder what life would’ve been like if my parents had stayed together. Would I have enjoyed my childhood more (ps it was awesome already)? Would I have noticed when it became a loveless marriage? Would I be angry at them for staying together for the kids? I wonder if I still would’ve broken my arm at my dad’s apartment or if I would’ve still grown up to be as shy as I was. I wonder if I would’ve been spoiled to death or if my dad still would’ve taught me that I don’t need much to live and be happy. I am glad that things have turned out the way they had, though my childhood wasn’t the easiest (nor were my teenage years), my parents taught me so much and them being apart gave me an even bigger family and more appreciation for them.

I think more often than what life would be like if they had stayed together I wonder what life would be like if things were different when I had cancer. I wonder if I would’ve died if I found out about my tumor and sickness later than I had or what would’ve happened if my mom’s employer (Costco) wasn’t amazing as they were. If we didn’t have health insurance would we still have been able to fight for me to get better? Would I not be able to go to an amazing hospital and get the treatment that I needed? I wonder what would’ve happened if it had spread to my uterus, as they initially feared. Would I be a different person, hostile and angry that I wouldn’t be able to carry my own child? Life could’ve been so different, whether better or worse. Do you ever worry that you aren’t as grateful as you could be?

 

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