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Last night I dreamt about you and awoke to the urge to tell you all about it. Getting used to my days without you has proved to be a difficult task and though I thought I had finally succeeded, this has shown me otherwise. So I keep trying to distract myself; I will someday be able to forget about you or die trying.

It almost feels as though you’ve died and the truth is that it would probably be easier to move on from this if you had. It is too easy to pick up the phone and get a hold of you, yet too hard to remind myself that I shouldn’t.

I always thought that we would be so happy together, but the truth is that if we would have been, it simply would’ve happened on its own. I’m not a firm believer in destiny, but I do believe that some things you just can’t force. I put my all in you only to get so little in return.

I could only lie to myself for so long, believing you wanted this too. Such a self-destructive person I’ve become, willing to take so much harm. Finally, I had to cut myself off. It hurts tremendously to try to let you go, but it is (as they always say) better to get the pain over with than to let it linger. So I’ve ripped the bandage off and I am hoping to heal…but just as soon as I think I am doing alright, you pop up in my dreams again

 

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