Hello, stranger.

 

I know it has been a few days since we last spoke and even longer since we last saw each other. I wanted to be able to tell you everything I’ve been feeling, but that was always the hardest thing for me to do. You’re on my mind often; much more than I would like to admit. I wish I knew why you are the center of my thoughts, whether I am conscious or dreaming. I wish I knew why your touch is the one I miss and why being apart from you makes me feel a longing I can’t begin to describe and a loneliness I will never be able to fulfill. I suppose I just wish I knew a lot of things.

 

I think we are both well aware that what we had wasn’t love, but it was close, wasn’t it? Sometimes part of me thinks if we just waited a little longer we would’ve had more amazing dates and would’ve fallen for each other harder than we ever had before. Perhaps that is what I did and though I can’t speak for you, I imagine you believing the same. Do I regret whatever we had ending? No, I can’t say I do. Do I regret not being more open about the feelings rushing through me? Yes; it is the biggest regret I could ever feel. I feel as though you’ve died without me being honest with you, though you are still alive and breathing. There is a pain seeping through my heart and I wish I could confess everything to you, but somehow, I can’t.

 

Whenever we speak on the phone I think that I will be able to tell you that I will always be thinking of you, but at the sound of your voice I forget all I ever thought before. All the logic in the world tells me to move on, to let you go. We are both unattainable to one another and there is nothing we can do about it anymore; what’s done is done. I wonder if that is the truth, though. No one can predict the future; no one knows if I will ever find myself on your part of the country again. I’d like to think there are plans for me, for us, for everything and the thought that there is no such thing as fate is a scary one. What if you were the only chance at true love I will ever have?

 

I would like to think that I won’t spend eternity alone; that I will find my counterpart. It is hard to move on and kiss someone else when you are still the one that I want. It is hard to get over you when you tell me you miss me too.

 

I wanted to write you this letter to clarify everything I feel for you, but I feel like I’ve been talking in circles and the only conclusion is that I miss you; I miss everything about you that it hurts. If there is such a thing as soul mates, I think you are mine, and I’m frightened that we will never get a chance to be together; a chance that is rightfully ours.

There is so much more that could be said, but out of fear of rejection I shall end it here. I will never be able to send this to you, though a part of me hopes someday you will find it and know it is for you, like everything else is.

 

X

 

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