If I shall ever die, please let those I loved and left know that I did my best. Maybe I didn’t all of the time, but there were moments I did try; for them, for myself, for people I have yet to meet. Life is a silly thing, yet the most serious we will ever encounter. Sometimes I appreciated it, other times I didn’t and wondered why I even bothered. Why do I even bother? Sometimes I have such selfish thoughts, only to remember the faces of everyone I would leave behind.

One of them is my mother. The woman who has done everything for me; from giving birth to me, to giving me a home to grow up in, to staying by my side as I fought cancer. My mother whose heart I broke when I moved away, wanting to leave her behind (or so she assumed).  She is a role model, a hero, a woman I strive to be. To think I would ever be so selfish and give up on life after she had fought so much for me; well, I deserve a slap in the face. My mother, my heart.

My younger brother, Logan, is my largest reason for living. I don’t have a child of my own yet, but I have a love for him as strong as I’d imagine a love for your own child to be. To see him grow from an infant to a child and someday to adulthood is such a blessing to me. During all of my moments of depression, which tried to swallow me whole, I knew I had to stay alive for him. I would imagine him trying to grieve after my death or trying to understand why his big sister took her own life; oh, how the thought of him mourning over me is enough to break my heart a thousand times. My brother, my child, my heart.

As each year goes by I meet new reasons to live; new friends who give me hope, new friends whom I can bring hope to. To think that I could ever inspire even one person is enough reason for me to want to live many, many days.

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