There is no turning back; what’s done is done. It’s done, over, the pages have been sealed into the envelope and sent off to sea. If I were to sit and try to explain all the feelings that go through me when I lay my eyes on you we would be here for days. The realization of that is a depressing one; how can one person mean so much to you after they’ve thrown you out? I can’t try to tell myself that you will come back because I almost don’t believe you wanted to be here in the first place. Maybe it doesn’t take much to make me happy or maybe you are convinced that you don’t deserve love. The truth is, maybe you don’t. I loved you with every cell in my body, every pulse from my heart, but that still wasn’t enough for you.

I could tell on your face that you felt no remorse; that leaving me that day was nothing more than another check off of your to-do list. It took so much to not chase after you, to not pull at your shirt and beg you to stay, but I suppose I finally realized that it is true what they say: It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Oh, who am I kidding; to hell with that saying. I would much rather have never met you never even laid eyes on you. It was easy for me to sit back and watch you walk away because I had a sense it was coming all along; I only sat still and waited instead of cutting the last thread myself because it was nice to have you around, the coffee was always made in the morning. So I can sit here and think these ill thoughts of you, which I have been doing the past few days, or I can grab myself a drink and watch the stars tonight. Thank you, because all of the shit you have put me through has shown me that being alone doesn’t always mean you have to be lonely.

 

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