I’d like to fall in love; to see what it is like. For everyone around me, it seems to come so easily. Perhaps it stays away from me because it knows I am a cynic. I will probe and poke it until I am convinced that it is what it says it is. I’m paranoid and passionate, two things that when hand in hand make it torturous to fall in love. I am a masochist, but there is only so much pain I can take. I love to induce my own pain, but when someone else is holding all the power, my vulnerability gets the best of me and I want out.

I’d like to fall in love; to feel what it is like, but though my heart is aching for it, my mind is still so cautious. I know I’ll never fall in love with all of this armor on, but the only thing I know is how to protect myself. What if no one is there to catch me as If fall? The thought of taking the leap only to crash and burn is the most frightening one. These worries are getting the best of me, but somehow, I want to take the risk. I’m all in.

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