I wish that I could say it wasn’t so; that my eyes, hands, and heart weren’t wandering into the unknown. There has always been something comforting about being with you; like no matter which way I swayed, you’d be there in case I needed you to catch me if I fell. I never fell, but I never climbed upward either. To say I’m ambitious would be an understatement; to say I am happily in love would be a lie. To leave and lock the door behind me is something I can’t turn back from and though I am brave, I know I am not invincible.

It’s no guarantee that the man of my dreams will walk into my life; the man I could see myself settling down with, but I know it is a risk I will have to take. If this thing called love is a game that we choose to play. So I shouldn’t complain, but I am a stubborn girl who plans to win. I am ashamed to know I’ve cheated the game with you because it isn’t like I found someone better, I just let boredom get the best of me without your heart in mind.

Call me selfish, cruel, vindictive; I’ll admit to them all. I can’t deny the animal I am and the cravings I have, but I am trying to save you here. It is a hard concept for you to swallow, but don’t you think you deserve more than someone who is just settling for you, someone who is always waiting for someone more? I have wandered; I am gone. I know you will dwell on my leaving, but soon you will realize the fire that lies within yourself that no one else can put out; I just hope someday I will stop looking for my remedy.

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