Let us start from the end; the end as we know it. The weather hadn’t been too bad; the sun for once wasn’t being too stubborn with its sunshine, but as we walked outside of your apartment and to my car, little drops of rain started sprinkling down. It was as though the rain was waiting for my departure before it came to gloom on this city. I kissed you goodbye, not knowing when the next time we would see each other would be. I kissed you goodbye many times; each time I turned to walk to my car I had to turn back for one more. It was harder to leave you this time than the time I first left, when I thought I would never be coming back at all. Perhaps that why it felt easier then, I thought it would be the end of everything; I was going to move away and never think about you again, but I came back and spent every day in your cozy apartment. Perhaps it is harder to say goodbye this time because no part of me wants to leave again; I want to stay right here with you.

Somehow I am able to make it all the way to the car and I look back at you, standing in the drizzling rain. I think to myself that there is the man of my dreams, except he is a reality. I force a smile on my face all the while my heart feel it is emptying all of its contents out onto the street, where it will wait for my return. The car starts instantly, though I held my breath secretly hoping it wouldn’t start at all. We give each other our final wave goodbye before I make myself focus on the street ahead of me. I drive as slow as I can, refusing to believe that I won’t be coming back here tomorrow. So this is the end, isn’t it? The end as we know it. I begin to wonder what is the purpose of my life, anyway. I will be going back home to the usual routine, wasting days away working alongside my own loneliness. Then I think to myself that this is where I need to be; and though I can’t turn the car around, I will try to get through each day until I get another kiss hello.

Advertisements