The only sound in this empty apartment is the ticking of the clock. It is moving slowly as it haunts this old home of ours. Tick. Tock. I resist the urge to pick up the old clock and throw it at the wall; I just want it to stop. I know I might as well just take the batteries out and bring it to a final click, but that isn’t doing enough damage. I need to destroy it so it will never strike again. It is the last piece of evidence that this home was ever loved and it needs cease to exist so I can forget all about it. I need to forget the clock as I need to forget you. Just as the clock’s endless ticking is haunting me, so are the memories of you.

I almost wonder how I could have gone from feeling so passionately about you to feeling nothing at all. Your face, which used to amaze me so, with the scruff and your smile, ended up disgusting me. You looked like a child left behind, you have no home. You have no right to a home with me. We laughed, loved, fought, and tortured each other all these months and one day I woke up and just knew that I felt absolutely nothing for you anymore. You were my companion; my partner in crime, but that was not enough. It was never enough, but I had fooled myself into thinking it was.

You are just another man. Ruthless, heartless, and stubborn. You wanted me to fall in love with you though you knew it wasn’t going to last. I was content with simply enjoying our time together and not placing any meaning between what was going on. You just couldn’t let that happen, could you? You kept swooning me with your words, paralyzing me with your touch; you almost had me fooled. I can’t deny the urge I had to just stay in bed with you forever, but deep down I knew this wasn’t good for either of us. I began to scratch at your skin while we made love; you thought I was just being feisty, I just wanted to tear you apart. If you ceased to exist, then none of these problems would exist and I could go back to my life of being independent.

It isn’t a good look for me, you know. Dependency. I fought it for many years, but you and your lies decided to try to break me free from my routine of life. I always knew that all men were the same, but for some reason, I caved in; I caved into you. Perhaps it was just the years of loneliness which got to me; perhaps I just wanted to see what it was like to need someone with every ounce of blood pumping through me. I can finally say I tried it and I know it isn’t for me.  So I am back to being alone in this apartment.

The only sound in this empty apartment is the ticking of the clock. It is haunting me, just as you are. I finally move over to the mantel and pick up the clock; it is a gorgeous one. I look at it one last time before smashing it into the floor. It amazes me how easily it breaks. It amazes me how easily you could be erased.

 

Advertisements