Society has a strange way of making me feel that I will always need to impress, yet I will never be good enough. I need to gain another degree just to get a part-time job and lose a few pounds until I will be thought to be beautiful. Inner beauty doesn’t matter much and neither does the knowledge you attain; it is all about who you know and who wants to sleep with you (but once you do, they’ll have nothing more to do with you). The things we think will justify our life and our purpose will only eventually degrade us; dehumanize us.

Being a child is what I miss the most. What defined us then? We lived for those we loved, we were too naive to realize how this world which seems so vast and magical to us will only try to break us down. The parents we looked up to for so long had their own shameful pasts and their feelings of regret would fill up to the brim, until they couldn’t take it anymore and the only one left around them to take any shit for it is you. Our innocence is so precious, but our minds can be molded so easily that with a blink of an eye, we are no longer children; we now carry the weight of the world on our shoulders.

Facing reality is a hard thing for me to focus on. I long to be young again, to have no responsibilities, to be able to cling on to my mother whenever I have a bad day. Instead of turning to my mother, I have to fill that void with any substance which will make me numb.

Living in this society has given us the wrong ideals in life .We should never have to focus on how big our paychecks are or how attractive we are to everyone else. No matter how much I long to break from all of these material things, no matter if I realize how these things are destroying me like an addict, I cannot help but to enable it.

So I keep on working.
I keep on trying to better myself.
I’ll keep up this routine until I die.