There is something I feel in my bones that I cannot shake. It is seeping deep within me, embedding itself into each cell that forms. This has become a part of me; it is every breath that I breathe, every drop of blood when I hurt myself. It is becoming my conscious, my essence. This desire is all consuming, I am a servant to it. Whatever it wants- hungers for- I will try my best to attain.

It always longs most for a man. A man I have almost had before, but not completely; at least not how I desired most. To think of how my lips first kissed his, sweetly, is torture. I could have eaten him up, his taste was so good. I was so frozen, my hands couldn’t even wander as much as they could have. Oh, I wish they would have, for it wouldn’t be another two years until I saw him again. Every inch of me yearned for him, but this needed faded slowly, oh, so slowly,  until we met again.

To think that the first time we met was torture almost seems absurd to me now, for it seems like nothing compared to the next time. I was a different woman by then. I was more independent, fearless, and unashamed of each and every desire within me; each and every desire I felt for him. My body grew hotter by the minute as I sad across from him at the table. I tried my best to maintain my composure, to hold a conversation without jumping onto him. His eyes so deep and blue, like the deepest see, seemed as though they were looking into my soul. I almost wondered if trying to conceal my yearning for him was even worth it; chances were he could see the desire written all over my face at first glance.

He never takes his eyes off of me. His lips, which I wanted to feel against mine again so badly, never stopped smiling at me; teasing me. We talked and laughed for hours that night. I have no idea how I managed to maintain any sort of composure, being in such close proximity to him. I was ready to jump out of my skin and into his. There was no denying what was bound to happen that night, especially once we had a little alcohol in our bloodstream to warm us up. There is no turning back now, not that we would ever want to anyway.

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