Good morning, dear.

I know this will be the first morning in our three years together that you have woken up without me in the bed. I apologize giving you no warning, because I myself only realized last night that it was best to leave while you were still asleep. It was hard to do, believe me. You looked so innocent and perfect resting your little head, I almost wanted to wrap myself in your arms and stay there forever. But that wouldn’t help anything, would it?

I bet you are wondering what in the world I am talking about. What needs help? Everything. Everything needs help and there is nothing you can do to make it better. I am the only one at fault here, I have opened up myself, my soul, to you, ignoring the fact that I need to be in control. I’ve lost all control and I need to gain it back. Before you I had never fallen in love, I had never even been close, but within a few weeks of just dating I knew that we had something different. I wasn’t ready for it, but I let myself slowly fall into you. I couldn’t tell you how I lasted three years. Three years of all of this security, love, and comfort. I know you probably think I sound insane right now; if everything was so perfect, why do I have to change it? Does being in control mean that much to me? In my mind, it doesn’t, but being in this routine of ours has been driving me crazy the past few months and though I tried to fight it, I have lost this battle in more ways than one.

So this morning, I woke up hours before the alarm clock went off. I am lucky that you are a light sleeper, so you didn’t wake when my weight was lifted off of the bed. You didn’t hear me grab my bag from the closet and you didn’t feel me when I kissed your cheek for the last time. I hope that you can forgive me for leaving you in such an abrupt way, but I knew that if I talked to you about this, you would lull me into staying; and I can’t stay right now. I’d like to think I will be back some day, but honestly, I know I will never be able to commit all of my heart to just one man.

Goodbye, dear.