Most nights, sleep stays at a distance so far that it cannot be seen. My mind will race a million miles an hour, never slowing down, no matter how much I beg. Most nights I think about everything that happened throughout the day; things I wish I could go back and do differently, things I wish I could replay over and over, like a skipping record. Sometimes, I will think about a man. The only man in my life who has ever inspired me. I will think about how hard it was to let him go and how easy life would have been if I had stuck around. I would have never gotten what I wanted, but at least I would have had him. Is it possible that he could have still been an inspiration even without the heartache? Sometimes I think not. Sometimes I keep thinking about it, changing my mind, changing my heart.

Some nights I think of other people I have lost. Those who have lost their lives, whether by their own hand or the cruel ways of the world. We are all so young, each and every one of us. We all day before we are ready and I wonder if life really flashes before your eyes in the last seconds you have left. Usually I will lay in bed, eyes shut, thinking about how this person I once knew, once spoke with, once hugged, has ceased to exist. The face that someday we will all cease to exist scares the shit out of me. These are things I think about late at night when sleep doesn’t come easy.

I’ll make tonight different, though. I’ll lay in bed, clear my mind, and look forward to tomorrow. This may bring on another barrier between sleep and I, but I will fight it down if it is the last thing I do. I’ll drift to sleep and dream of things I would have never thought imaginable and once I wake, I will know that nothing is impossible; not in our dreams, not in our lives.

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