It is always the same thing. I only plan to stay for a little while because these men… these foolish, foolish men begin to expect too much from me. Don’t they get it? I would much rather drown myself in cigarettes, alcohol, and sex. Leave your relationship bullshit at the door.

Often times people think I am looking for someone to take care of me- physically and emotionally. Just because I am young and willing does not mean I am crying out for help. Here I am with another one who thinks I have fallen in. It is quite funny to me; all during my teenage years I was the foolish one, begging for love… begging to feel needed. Here I am, just barely twenty-tree and oh, how things have the tables have turned. He first told me he loved me on a night we were out at a bar together. I was three shots in and I am always a happy drunk, so I had no problem saying it back. My drunken mind didn’t realize that unlike myself, he thought it to be the truest words to ever be spoken.

Sometimes it takes so much effort to remove myself from a situation.. I was in between places and he always provided  me with alcohol and a good bed to sleep in, so I thought I would string him along for the hell of it.

I wouldn’t be able to tell you when things changed with me. From a girl who opened her heart to easily to a girl who forgot she even had one at all. I see a handsome man now and instead of trying to get to know him and see if we are compatible life mates, I only try to see if he is available for the night. It is as though I have replaced my emotions with being drunk all the time and I filled whatever void I felt within myself with getting in bed with a stranger.

I look at him, sipping his morning coffee as I cure my hangover with another shot of vodka. He would probably do anything for me, that poor thing. I almost consider not breaking this man. Maybe I would spare his heart for the next woman and actually give him a change before walking out of his life without so much as a goodbye. I take another look  at him and decide against. I know that after he kisses me goodbye and is on his way for work, I will be finding the next man to help pass the time.

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