It is pretty hard being related to someone who is addicted to drugs. It is hard seeing them go through it for about ten years, starting when you were both very young. My sister is only three years older than me, but I feel that I have already done so much more in my life than she has, which is a sad realization.

I love her dearly. I think in the end, she will always be the best friend I have… but only when she is sober. When she is abusing drugs she just isn’t the person I know; the person I love. I didn’t really understand what she was doing when it first started. I know that she was doing bad things and she had run away from home numerous time. I can’t even pinpoint the exact point in time where she stopped living with my mom and my grandparents; when she first started living on the streets.

Addiction runs in the family. There are other family members who have been addicted to drugs, alcohol, and gambling. In time, they were able to get help and help themselves. They have accomplished so much during their sobriety. I hope that someday I will look back at today, and be so grateful that my sister was able to change for the better. The hardest part is not being able to help. It has reached that point where my family can no longer help her. I know it is hard for her to realize this and she tries to make us feel guilty all the time, but I know that if she does reach sobriety again she will understand and feel like such a strong person for being able to do it on her own.

Recently she came over to talk to us. She looked horrible; the worst I had seen her in years. She had a black eye and she didn’t look like she had been taking care of herself at all. She says that she is tired of this life, that she is ready for a change. I don’t want to talk about her boyfriend and his life, so I have to leave out a lot of detail of what has been going on with her lately. I’ll tell you what I told her I think she should do, though. She needs to leave her boyfriend. She has always needed to depend on a man and it would be good for her to put herself first for once. We lived in Washington together with my father in 2008 and she was able to stay clean for a while there. Her being back there is most ideal because she would be away from all of the connections she has down here. That day she was here, she sounded like she was ready for it, like she knew it was what she had to do.

I talked to her a couple days after that and it was clear that she was still not ready. No, not at all. She loves her boyfriend, so she wants to try to make it work before she leaves. She believes that they can get clean together. I will have positive thoughts because it would be wonderful if they did do it together, but I hate to think that she is keeping herself stuck in the same hole because she is scared of making a change. I’ll keep her in my prayers, I hope if you pray, you will do the same.

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