It is almost 4:30 in the morning and sleep still won’t find it’s way to me. I’ve taken a little bit of nyquil to see if it will help at all. I can’t take a full dose, otherwise I won’t make my way to class in the morning. I haven’t had a horrible night like this in a long time!

Nights like this remind me why I shouldn’t care for someone. I don’t mean for friends or my dear family, but as far as longing for someone special. How horrible is it to make yourself so vulnerable and to risk finding out that you really mean nothing to them in the end? Which is the realization that I came to tonight. I cannot find sleep, I cannot find peace. I cannot really concentrate on a book for a long period of time and laying in the dark for too long gives me the opportunity to think and dwell on what just happened.

Ah, if only there were a switch to turn all of this off. The caring, the vulnerability, the consciousness.

If only!

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