I mentioned before that I am in the middle of switching between medications (I am almost done, thank God), but today had to have been the worst day… in such a long time. I think since I have been taking medication I have forgotten about how I feel when I am depressed. How I cannot really snap out of it… how there is no logical reason for me feeling the way that I do. This morning started off perfectly fine. I don’t hate the dentist, so that went well and I was fine when I had to go to work to get my ID and nametag. So what was it between dropping Jonathan off and coming home? I wish I knew.

I felt like I had no one to talk to. It’s like I tried to talk to Curt about it… but then I was just being childish and dramatic, and not making my thoughts very clear. I ended up agitating him a bit. The truth is I have so many people I could’ve turned to… that I should’ve turned to! But in those moments… I don’t realize it.

Today was worse than it has been this past year. I really wanted to hurt myself, which was a horrifying thing to realize I was feeling. I am feeling much better now and was able to snap out of it before the night ended. I think I am so ridiculous when I realize what thoughts go through my head. I feel like I am the only one out there who knows what it is like, but I know I am not.

Advertisements