Your skin, so cold upon my own. I long to touch you, to keep you warm. I can see you out of the corner of my eye, shivering, begging for a little warmth. Can’t you see how badly I wish I could wrap you up in my arms, dear? It’s killing me to watch you hurt, but how would we know how good things can be if we don’t first let them get so bad?

The dark grey clouds are hovering closer and I can see you shutting your eyes, imagining yourself in a better, warmer place.

Are you laying on the beach, listening to the waves crash?
Or are you in my bed, our naked bodies keeping us warm, as though we are on fire?

It’s so cold out here now, shall we go inside to crash and burn?

I can remember the first time I ever saw you, as though it had happened yesterday. The funny thing is, I can’t remember the last time I saw you. I don’t remember if I kissed you goodbye, let alone hugged you. I wonder if I said goodbyes, knowing I had no intention of seeing you again or whether I thought it was just another night apart. What I do know is that I left your home and drove away and from what I can remember, I didn’t look back.

I can remember how strongly I felt for you; how nervous you made me and how just your smile alone could make me blush. What I can’t remember is the moment when everything changed. There had to have been one moment in which I looked at you and no longer saw in you what I had before. Sometimes I wonder if you could see the change in my or whether you continued to be naive until the end.

Tonight may be a night spent alone, but it doesn’t feel so bad once I realize that I was always lonelier when I was with you.

It has become clear. So incredibly clear and obvious that I am embarrassed to be standing here in front of you, legs quivering, knees shaking, about to say the words which you knew before I even realized them myself. Your eyes spell out the words I know you are about to say before you even blink. I know I should be the first one to open my mouth and let this word vomit fall at your feet, but aside from the shaking of my limbs, I feel frozen.

I am a big block of ice and you are the blistering sun, threatening to move closer and closer until there is nothing left of me. I wonder if you realize what you do to me, but by the sly smile creeping onto your face, I have no doubts about it. You’ve deceived me thus far, making me believe that all would work out easily. As smooth as the quick ride down the tallest slide. You know my fears and how hard such a confession could be for me; how excruciating these three words seem to be. You’ve been patient and though your eyes hold me down against the floor, so I know I must do the inevitable. I must say what I will someday regret, a long time from now, when I wonder what ever happened to you.

Here we go…

We don’t need to say goodbye; we could just lay here intertwined. Your legs are my legs and my heart is your heart. Looking into your eyes, I can only see myself. The curves of your body align so perfectly against mine. Let me kiss ever inch of your body as though it is what is keeping you alive.

Your sour, it seeps into mine. To imagine the rest of my days without you is the greatest torture of all. Tomorrow is not promised, so all I hope for is that when I lay down my head to rest at night, you will be close by.

It is you and you alone. Take a look around you and realize that the world isn’t against you. It isn’t unfair, it isn’t cruel, it isn’t something to take for granted. Life is what you make of it, so if you think the world is out to get you, things will make it seem that way. You can sit and whine about what in your life seems faulty, but if you are displeased, how can you sit around complaining and expect that to change a thing? Happiness is in your hands, but you choose what to do with it. Do you keep it close from day to day, or do you throw away at first chance?

I couldn’t remember.

I couldn’t remember our first kiss, nor the last. No matter how much I concentrated, I couldn’t remember the first time when I realized how hard I fell for you. I can barely remember the way I was once drawn to you; you know, the way you feel when you realize that the reason every other relationship failed was for this one, for us and our bodies clinging together. Instead of remembering all the good times, all I am left is with the bad. The dull, the boring, the torturous, the humiliating times.

I have begun to wonder whether there really were any good times. Was I just drunk all the time? Did you slip some drugs into my drink when I turned away? I vaguely remember thinking that you were a sweet guy, a genuine man, but now I can see how foolish I had been to think such a thing even existed. I wonder if I ever even knew you, because three years later all I am left with is a bitter taste in my mouth and a few cracks in the piece of flesh that I call my heart.

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck.

We always have a tendency to really fuck things up, don’t we? One day we are perfectly happy, but the next night most miserable. How can something which seems like a good thing turn around and be what is destroying you in the end? I want to leave you, I do, but mostly I just want to kiss you. Put your seat belt on, my dear, because we are about to get going. Only time will tell if we hit a wall or just the open road. Don’t tell me how fast we are going, all that matters is I’ve got you in the passenger seat.

Are you ready to fuck this up? Let’s go.